Navigating Grief & Marriage

People often say that grief changes you.

What they don’t always talk about is how grief can change a marriage, too.

Losing a child is something no parent should ever have to experience, and unfortunately, it is something that can tear families apart. The weight of grief is heavy. It changes routines, communication, emotions, priorities, and even identities. Two people can be grieving the exact same child while grieving in completely different ways.

One person may want to talk constantly.

The other may shut down completely.

One may need to stay busy.

The other may struggle to get out of bed.

There is no handbook for navigating that kind of pain together.

Before losing Hazel, I never fully understood how child loss could impact a marriage so deeply. After living through it ourselves, I absolutely understand how some couples simply cannot survive the heartbreak. It is not because the love was not real. It is because grief is complicated, exhausting, isolating, and relentless.

There were moments after losing Hazel where it felt impossible to see past the pain. We were grieving our daughter while still trying to show up for our family, our responsibilities, and each other. Some days we handled things differently. Some days one of us was stronger while the other completely fell apart.

But somewhere in the middle of all that heartbreak, we made a choice...over and over again...to keep choosing each other.

And somehow, through the worst thing we have ever experienced, we became closer than ever.

The loss of Hazel was awful. There is no softer way to say it. It shattered our world in ways that are impossible to fully explain unless you have lived it yourself. But while grief changed us individually, it also strengthened us together.

We became better partners because we learned how to truly support one another, even when we did not always fully understand what the other needed.

We became better communicators because grief forced us to have hard conversations and be honest about pain, fear, anger, and sadness.

We became better friends because we learned how important it is to simply sit beside someone during their darkest moments.

And we became stronger parents because losing Hazel made us even more intentional with our boys. We do not take the little moments for granted. We love harder. We show up differently. We understand more deeply just how precious and fragile life really is.

One thing grief taught us is that healing does not mean “moving on.” It means learning how to carry the pain together while still allowing joy, laughter, love, and hope to exist in your life again.

There were nights we sat together in silence because there were simply no words.

There were moments we carried each other.

There were moments we failed each other, too.

But at the end of the day, we never stopped being a team.

I think one of the most important things we learned is that grief should never become a competition. There is no “right” way to grieve. There is no timeline. There is no perfect way to survive the unimaginable. Giving each other grace became one of the most important parts of our healing journey.

Some days survival was enough.

Some days showing up for each other looked very small.

But small things matter when your world feels like it is falling apart.

We also learned the importance of keeping Hazel part of our marriage and our family story. We say her name often. We honor her together. Through The Hazel Joy Memorial Foundation , we continue building a legacy that allows her life to impact others every single day. Doing that together has created purpose inside our grief and has connected us in ways we never expected.

Losing Hazel will always be the hardest thing we have ever gone through.

But walking through that loss together reminded us just how strong love can be.

Not perfect love.

Not easy love.

But steady, committed, show-up-for-each-other-even-when-it’s-hard love.

The kind of love that grief tested deeply...and somehow made even stronger.